De Nancibus non est disputandum

November 27, 2013

De Nancibus non est disputandum

De Nancibus non est disputandum. In fact, opinion is redundant. We deal only in objective facts when it comes to her. Nancy is the daddy. Fact, Daddy (for those of you yet to read Sholokov - what are you waiting for?). Given her current rate of development I'd imagine in a few months Nancy will have taken on responsibility for this site and improved it tenfold without breaking sweat. She is like a fleshy version of Johnny 5.

Nancy is a bonafide person these days and even has a career path in mind, although one that is doomed to fail. She wants to be a ladybird. She wants to try hard at school and be a ladybird. Seriously, an actual ladybird. And all because her father was nonsensically chatting to her and mentioned that if she tried hard at school she could indeed become a ladybird if she wished. I mean that is the point of education is it not, it is meant to be transformative although not in such a literally metamorphic sense. Had I realised she would remember it and turn it into her mantra I would never have mentioned it. But I did and Pandora's box is open. How to break it to her? How does one tell a 2'6" tall pudding that becoming a ladybird is not a feasible career choice? Which is sad in itself, as Nancy would be a marvellous ladybird and frankly it is an excellent career path as they are subject to European wide protection and as a result get a gold-plated pension paid for by you the taxpayer in clear breach of our national sovereignty. In a moment of absent minded nonsense, I have introduced the concept of ultimate disappointment. Blast it all to hell. No one ever tells you about the dark side of nonsense - you think you are just a benign jolly figure chatting away to your daughter whereas you are, in fact, introducing her to all sorts of complexities and horror.

What else to report? Nancy makes an amazing cat, is a master of the art of jigsaws and still lacks both wrists and ankles. If you've spotted a spare pair lying around, please do send them in. And she is increasingly quotable - I think I may well need to create a anthology of her finest. Some recent pearlers include 'I'm talking nonsense' (whilst actually talking nonsense) 'Daddy, you don't want milk, have more beer'. Oh and she has created an entirely fictional child called Alexander who resides at the childminder's house. Madness.